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If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.

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Enough Laugh Wrinkle

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Aligator Barefoot Compliment Know Shoe Someone
To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Apply Clean Neighbour Roaster Something
Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Always Before Down Drink Fall Friend Health
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Finish Half Hour Last Minute
I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Karate Look Overpower Perfume Sick
Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Appendix Back Divorce Husband Like Put Remarry
Comedy is tragedy revisited.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Comedy Revisited Tragedy
I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Chocolate Dirt Like Serve Show
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Afford All Children Move Them Thing Want
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Ask Country Once Out People Player Room
When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beach Come Even Go Tide
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Back Do Go More Than
The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Football never Olay Outfit Public Reason Same Wear Women
The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Body Doctor Hope Look Reincarnation Said Yes
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Avoid Beget Children Desire Entirely Mean Poverty Single Something Violence
I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Buddhism Depth Feng Numerous Straight Technology Transcendental Work

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