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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

Related Topics

Away Children Home Keep Only Parent Some Thing Threaten

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beach Come Even Go Tide
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Blouse Once Peekaboo People Peek Too Wore
I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Baby Born Doctor Everybody Slap Ugly World
Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Do Life Practice Work Yourself
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Buy Get Gun Husbvband Into No Reply Say Shop Women
My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
PHYLLIS DILLER

All Life Own Real Thing
A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Again Happen Last Night Nothing Terrible Thing
My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bad Body Phase Prescription Shape Such Underwater Wear
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Finish Half Hour Last Minute
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Always Children Choose Home Nice One Rest
Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Dog Every Go Howl Near Stove Time
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
PHYLLIS DILLER

Humble Keep Know Mirror
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Best Contraceptive Nudity People
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beneath Breast Knee Law Left Mother Out Pain Trick Tuned
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Accused Constant Country Drought Fire Food Mud Swanson
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beuty Estimate Hour Seven Shop Spent
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Beaty Eyesight Fade Like Look Marry May Own
I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
PHYLLIS DILLER

Cloth Doctor Go Look Love Man Say Take
I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Descend Foolish Listen Long Mother Very
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Ask Country Football Good Hairdresser Helmet Look People Person Say
self-pity is better than none.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Better Ity None Self
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bury Clear Dead Dinner Food Phase Serve Table Three
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Advice Away Bottle Children Follow Keep Transquilzer Work
You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Aligator Barefoot Compliment Know Shoe Someone
I was the world’s ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads… I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said ‘Grab the blade!
PHYLLIS DILLER

Ask Baby Folk Head Hospital Leave Mother Over Photo Sack Ugliest
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Christmas Day Job Look Next Office Party
Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Children Divorce Father Get Now Outside Remember

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