I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
PHYLLIS DILLER
My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
PHYLLIS DILLER -
The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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I was the world’s ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads… I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said ‘Grab the blade!
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
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They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
PHYLLIS DILLER