“My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.”

I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.

The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.

Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.

I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!

Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.

A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.

I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.

My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.

In our country the lie has become not just a moral category but a pillar of the State.

The way to be successful is through preparation. It doesn’t just happen.

You could measure the lasting impact on the lives of the people who played it at just about zero.

You can’t always just put color filters in 80s aerobic videos or take stuff from public-access and look at it in this very ironic, self-conscious way. That only takes you so far.

The loop down through there is just really relaxing, not much traffic.

[Computing] is just a fabulous place for that, because it’s a place where you don’t have to be a Ph.D. or anything else. It’s a place where you can still be an artisan.

The success of SYNC is another proof point that we are doing just that.

I’m just looking for a mixture of songs and topics that aren’t the same thing over and over.