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The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours

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Constant Difference Other Same Song Technology Thought Wine Year

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Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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You’ve got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It’s when somebody steps on the bride’s train, or belches during the ceremony that you’ve got comedy!
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self-pity is better than none.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don’t want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
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My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
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