My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
PHYLLIS DILLERWe Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
-
-
The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
PHYLLIS DILLER