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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.

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Children Divorce Father Get Now Outside Remember

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Children Divorce Father Get Now Outside Remember
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
PHYLLIS DILLER

Chance Housework Kill Rake You
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Admit Away Boyfriend Drive Forty Live Mile Sex Tremendous
I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
PHYLLIS DILLER

Cloth Doctor Go Look Love Man Say Take
self-pity is better than none.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Better Ity None Self
Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Always Before Down Drink Fall Friend Health
You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Aligator Barefoot Compliment Know Shoe Someone
By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Common Crave Far Mist Pregnant Prepare Women
It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bed Course Fang Gone Mad Month Three True Was Year
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Back Do Go More Than
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Buy Get Gun Husbvband Into No Reply Say Shop Women
… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Children Dust Furniture Love Name Write Yera
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Blood Discontinue Know Type
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Always Children Choose Home Nice One Rest
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Any Argument Bank Been Cab Country Just Robbed Three Time
I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beauty Day Fourteen Give never Plan Ten Up Year
My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bad Body Phase Prescription Shape Such Underwater Wear
Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Gold Have Health Important Jewelry Next Things
When you play spin the bottle, if they don’t want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bottle Kiss Play Quater Spin Want
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bed Fight Go never Stay Up
I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Chocolate Dirt Like Serve Show
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Blouse Once Peekaboo People Peek Too Wore
I was the world’s ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads… I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said ‘Grab the blade!
PHYLLIS DILLER

Ask Baby Folk Head Hospital Leave Mother Over Photo Sack Ugliest
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Hat On Screw Wrinkle
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Avoid Beget Children Desire Entirely Mean Poverty Single Something Violence
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bury Clear Dead Dinner Food Phase Serve Table Three
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beaten Before Him Husband Lick Mixer Want

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