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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.

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You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
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