“If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.”

I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.

Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’

You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.

All mothers are working mothers.

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.

I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.

Jealousy is the tribute which mediocrity pays to genius.

I’m looking forward to the fighting with no headgear – I’m jealous. I kind of want to go back to the Olympics to experience no headgear.

Do not hate the people who are jealous because they recognize that you are the best.

Envy is human nature.

It’s not healthy to be jealous.

If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears.

When we look into the human heart we see the lust, the greed, the hate, the pride, the anger, and the jealousies that are so destructive. This is at the heart of the human predicament, and the Scriptures call this condition sin.

What an intimidating kind of beauty a rainbow holds. Then of course, there’s the jealously dripping between vampirish teeth of those who dare mock it.