“My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.”

Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.

I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.

I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.

self-pity is better than none.

My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?

I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.

In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.

I was the world’s ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads… I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said ‘Grab the blade!

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.

Dawn came on us like a betrayer; it seemed as though the new sun rose as an ally of our enemies to assist in our destruction.

Safety and the assurance of safety are things of the past.

All men are mad in some way or the other, and inasmuch as you deal discreetly with your madmen, so deal with God’s madmen too, the rest of the world.

When I was a child, we seemed to be living in a world remote from the rest of the world. But television has made a great difference to all of us.

Everybody knows that fraternities are a normal culture in all colleges. It exists in all colleges. President Clinton was a member of a fraternity. In fact, anybody who goes to College in the United States is a member of a College fraternity. There is absolutely nothing evil or occultic about fraternity.

All worthwhile writing… comes from an individual vision, privately pursued.

While I am on, I can discipline myself to that extent. When I am off, I can’t discipline myself at all. On the other hand, when I am off, there are so many things I like doing, it doesn’t really matter.

No man beholds his mother’s womb Yet who denies it’s there? Coiled To the navel of the world is that Endless cord that links us all To the great Origin. If I lose my way. The trailing cord will bring me to the roots.