“The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.”

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.

The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.

Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.

I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.

I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.

self-pity is better than none.

My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?

I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.

I do my best on the golf course. I am learning about the business side of it. But I have a lot of great partners that help me with all those things.

In life, you have got to make the best of every situation; you have to keep going.

It will be a great accomplishment if I become the best player in the world. But if my children can grow up with great core values and become great people and do good things and are happy, then, man, that would bring me great joy.

A well regulated militia, composed of the body of the people, trained in arms, is the best most natural defense of a free country.

We all started playing football against our best friends, and I can’t remember a moment where, because it was my best friend, I did not want to win against him.

Bad performances can happen and are not that serious – even with new players. You can’t, say, sell him, get a new one.

As a general rule, the most successful man in life is the man who has the best information.

The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.