“The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.”

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Comedy is tragedy revisited.

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.

The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.

Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.

I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.

I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.

The physical stamina [in Revolution]. I was just shocked by it. I didn’t think I had it in me ever, and I wasn’t terribly young when I did it. I was in my early forties.

Switching to the outfield was the best break I ever got.

The most brutal war, the greatest amount of casualties that America’s ever had.

I don’t think you ever write a song with any intention except the song’s about such and such per say.

Somehow I feel that my subconscious part creates far more interesting things than my conscious part can ever dream of.

A helluva athlete, the best ever to play his position in the history of the game.

To not ever feel myself living, To only know myself in others’ eyes, reflected.

In India, no one has ever claimed to be a prophet. The reason is that claims to divinity are customary.