“I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.”

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’

A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.

We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’

To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.

Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.

Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.

I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.

Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

We came from here. Perhaps that is why so many of us feel a strong bond to this land called Serengeti; it is the land of our youth.

If God came in and said, I want you to be happy for the rest of your life, what would you do?

I thought, “Wait a minute. That’s the perfect name.” That kind of freed up my year but that’s where the name came from.

Jesus didn’t come to tell us the answers to the questions of life, he came to be the answer.

Backstage Michael Bloomfield introduced me to Eric, and Eric was so nice. He came up to me, put his arms around me and said “Barry, it’s such a pleasure to meet you” …

I came out of Bataan and I shall return!

Tell me what’s going on here. Why can i hear your voice inside my head and why did you say you came to school for me?” “i was tired of admiring your legs from a distance.

The Gospel is that Jesus Christ came to earth, lived the life we should have lived and died the death we should have died.