Waiter Quotes

I watch that. How does he treat the waiter? How does he treat the coat-check girl? How does he treat the driver?

What is with waiters who don’t write anything down and memorize your order instead? Are you trying to impress me or something? If you were that smart you wouldn’t be a goddamn waiter in the first place.

In Manhattan, every flat surface is a potential stage and every inattentive waiter an unemployed, possibly unemployable, actor.

I called him over and told him about it. He told me that in the back there’s a tank they keep the lobsters in and while they’re in there, they fight and sometimes one loses a claw. I told him ‘then bring me a winner.’

I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’

When I was a kid, like 14 or 15, I played with the waiters from the hotel, ’cause that was the best game. And these guys, they’d let me play. And they were black guys.

[To waiter who had spilled soup on her:] Never darken my Dior again!

Beware of barbers, beauticians, waiters – or anyone – bringing gifts of ‘inside’ information or tips. Don’t try to be a jack of all investment. Stick to the field you know best.

Waiters are like hookers, never around when you want them.