Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
ALAN KINGMy brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
More Alan King Quotes
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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I was a high school throw-out.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
ALAN KING