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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

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Fight Keep Marriage Nature Stranger Way

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Any Believe More Nobody Trust
Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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Ability Audience Comedy Identity never Say Son Story Tell
The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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Always Art Even Humour Somebody Want Weapon
My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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Brother College Cut Him Member Nail Physician Surgeon Youngest
The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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Ability Absorb Book Else Exactly Make Someone Stage Story Word
Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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Confidence First Freedom Gave Lot People Program Sullivan Television

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