Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KINGAs a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
More Alan King Quotes
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KING -
I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
ALAN KINGI’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
ALAN KING -
My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
ALAN KINGMy father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
ALAN KING -
My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
ALAN KING -
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KINGOne morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KING -
Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
ALAN KINGComedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
ALAN KING -
I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
ALAN KINGI think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
ALAN KINGOne thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
ALAN KING -
And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KINGAnd humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
ALAN KINGYou want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
ALAN KINGMy lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
ALAN KING -
A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
ALAN KINGA summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KINGNow that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
ALAN KING -
My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
ALAN KINGMy father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
ALAN KINGI made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
ALAN KING


