You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KINGMy father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
More Alan King Quotes
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
ALAN KING -
Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
ALAN KING