When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
ALAN KINGLarry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
More Alan King Quotes
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
ALAN KING