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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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Great New Older Thing Year
My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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Eat Every Holiday Jewish Kill Summer Try Won
The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Dictator Full Life Little Run Try World
An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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Better Salami Sex Slice Thickly
There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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Distort Fun House Mirror Reflection Set Standard Style
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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I was a high school throw-out.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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