I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
ALAN KINGI think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
More Alan King Quotes
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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I was a high school throw-out.
ALAN KING