My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
ALAN KINGOne thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
More Alan King Quotes
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
ALAN KING