Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
ALAN KINGA summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
More Alan King Quotes
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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