And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KINGMy son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
More Alan King Quotes
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
ALAN KING