It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
ALAN KINGMy son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
More Alan King Quotes
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
ALAN KING