A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
ALAN KINGThere’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
More Alan King Quotes
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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