If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
ALAN KINGAnd humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
More Alan King Quotes
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
ALAN KING