The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
ALAN KINGI always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
More Alan King Quotes
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
ALAN KING