Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
ALAN KINGYou do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
More Alan King Quotes
-
-
I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
ALAN KING -
We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
ALAN KING -
Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
ALAN KING -
I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
ALAN KING -
That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
ALAN KING -
When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
ALAN KING -
I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
ALAN KING -
My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
ALAN KING -
The other day my house caught fire.
ALAN KING -
A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
ALAN KING -
When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
ALAN KING -
If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KING -
As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
ALAN KING -
I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
ALAN KING -
The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
ALAN KING -
My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
ALAN KING -
You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
ALAN KING -
When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
ALAN KING -
As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
ALAN KING -
But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
ALAN KING -
My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
ALAN KING -
For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
ALAN KING -
Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
ALAN KING -
We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
ALAN KING -
It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
ALAN KING -
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KING