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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.

Alan King

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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Any More Nobody
Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Alongside Milton Took Tremendous Vaudeville
My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”

ALAN KING

My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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Coverage Frown Theft
When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’

ALAN KING

When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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First Jewish Act Saw Told
My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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Brother Cut Him Member Nail Physician Surgeon Youngest
I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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Go Something Sympathetic Thirty Two Week
One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’

ALAN KING

One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
ALAN KING

One Restaurant Thing Whole
It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.

ALAN KING

It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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Anyone Last Like More Someone
Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.

ALAN KING

Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KING

Salami Slice Thickly
Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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Have Learn Survive
Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
ALAN KING

Go Let Offend
Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

ALAN KING

Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Keep Way
The other day my house caught fire.

ALAN KING

The other day my house caught fire.
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Caught Day Other
My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.

ALAN KING

My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
ALAN KING

Cousin Eighty Male One Raise Sister Six Trolley
Modesty is not one of my virtues.

ALAN KING

Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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Modesty One
Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.

ALAN KING

Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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Back Ball Been Fifty Theatre Year

When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.

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