It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
ALAN KINGNow that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
More Alan King Quotes
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The other day my house caught fire.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
ALAN KING