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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.

Alan King

My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
ALAN KING

Coverage Fire Frown Kind Lawyer Problem Theft
Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
ALAN KING

Bank Banker Chain Come Down Friend Image New Pen
Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
ALAN KING

Funny Holocaust Joke Make Occur People Way
As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
ALAN KING

Better Father Parent
You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
ALAN KING

Attack Fun Make Somebody
I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
ALAN KING

Give Interview Know Poor Start Until
Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
ALAN KING

Amazing Away Call Comedy Get Hard Laugh Once Turn
My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
ALAN KING

Bed Eat Favorite Out Saturday Spend Sport Television Watch Way
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KING

Again Apple Cloudy Drank Faint Juice Little Morning Nurse One Pour Run Specimen Tube
I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
ALAN KING

Carnegie Hall Have Made Practice
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KING

Modesty One Virtue
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
ALAN KING

Bran Fifteen Last Live Longer Spend Toilet Year
When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
ALAN KING

Apple Every Gave Hospital Juice Morning
I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
ALAN KING

Go Kitchen Mother never Other Pot Room Saw
I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
ALAN KING

Bad Good Joy Over Place Review Scream Unhappy
My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
ALAN KING

Ability Audience Comedy Identity never Say Son Story Tell

Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.

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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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