One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
ALAN KINGI had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
More Alan King Quotes
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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I was a high school throw-out.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
ALAN KING