I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
ALAN KINGEverything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
More Alan King Quotes
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
ALAN KING