That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
ALAN KINGEverything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
More Alan King Quotes
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
ALAN KING