As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
ALAN KINGWhen I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
More Alan King Quotes
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
ALAN KING -
I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
ALAN KING -
It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
ALAN KING -
If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
ALAN KING -
If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
ALAN KING -
My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
ALAN KING -
I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
ALAN KING -
When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
ALAN KING -
The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
ALAN KING -
There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
ALAN KING -
Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
ALAN KING -
We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
ALAN KING -
We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
ALAN KING