Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
ALAN KINGAn old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
More Alan King Quotes
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
ALAN KING