Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
ALAN KINGBut in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
More Alan King Quotes
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
ALAN KING