There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
ALAN KINGFor me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
More Alan King Quotes
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
ALAN KING