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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.

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Book Love Marriage Read Separate Two Want

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
ALAN KING

Carnegie Hall Have Made Practice
It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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Anyone Food Friendship Imagine Interest Last Like More Someone
The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Dictator Full Life Little Run Try World
Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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Amazing Away Call Comedy Get Hard Laugh Once Turn
My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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Father Help Leave Not True
We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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Grub Hypochondriac Miser Money Worrywart
When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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Done First Jewish Act Person Saw Told
I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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Being Bird Come Early Gonna Mind Sixty-five Special Tell
My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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Accident Car Cousin Eighty Kill Male Mother One Raise Sister Six Trolley
If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KING

Book Love Marriage Read Separate Two Want
And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KING

Always Art Even Humour Somebody Want Weapon
My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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Ability Audience Comedy Identity never Say Son Story Tell
Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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Funny Holocaust Joke Make Occur People Way
Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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Difficult Face Funny Go Let Offend Worry
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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Modesty One Virtue
I was a high school throw-out.
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High Out School Throw
If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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Atom Think Expense Great Humor Someone Something
But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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Fun heavy Love More Movie Much
Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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Comedy Create Nothing Reflection
That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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Great New Older Thing Year
I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
ALAN KING

Armor Eat Place Suit
When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
ALAN KING

Bigotry Father First Oppression Read Talk Think Time
You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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Get Good Know Look Old People Tell
Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
ALAN KING

Humor Jew Joke Objectivity Only Refer Speak Stage Unfunny
Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Fight Keep Marriage Nature Stranger Way
Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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Ball Everything Matzoh Mother Sank
I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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Go Kitchen Mother never Other Pot Room Saw

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