“The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.”

If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.

I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.

Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.

There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.

We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.

That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.

Modesty is not one of my virtues.

My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.

It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.

But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.

We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…

My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’

You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.

Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!

If you stand on a soapbox and trade rhetoric with a dictator you never win.

Dictators never invent their own opportunities.

Any dictator would admire the uniformity and obedience of the U.S. media.

Romania, which had the worst dictator in Eastern Europe, Ceausescu, he was a darling of the West.

The job of dictator is now a high-risk job.

The death of dictator Kim Jong-Il has cast all eyes on North Korea, a country without literature or freedom or truth.

I’ve recorded 25 or 30 albums. I know that sometimes when you work with producers who are kinda dictators, it doesn’t help you make a better record.

The power of every dictator has two main sources: His psychopathic mind and the support of the very easily deceivable ignorant masses!