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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

W. C. Fields

Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

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