More from W. C. Fields
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields
Original quotes
From our community writers
We were dirt poor but we had each other. We didn’t need much to have a lot.
Brad NeatonBrad Neaton Always show kindness and love to others. Your words might be filling the empty places in someone else heart.
Alexander KandovAlexander Kandov One quick sip of your memory I let it slip, and I go on without you.
Emma SchippersEmma Schippers If the scars on my heart were visible to the naked eye, maybe you’d think twice about inflicting more.
Laura Natoli-KearneyLaura Natoli-Kearney I am getting better at forgetting you. I am slowly but steadily learning the art of forgetting you.
Juana GarciaJuana Garcia Paper and pen petrify me, for they pierce right through me, drawing deep blue blood, leaving me utterly cold.
Shreya JoshiShreya Joshi Spend time with people who get excited over even the smallest victories you earn.
Sonia SabnisSonia Sabnis I wonder if you were the poison or the antidote.
Ginnie BaleGinnie Bale
Meet the writers
More on life
Ability is of little account without opportunity.
Lucille BallLucille Ball If you’ll begin to develop and maintain an attitude that says yes to life and the world, you’ll be astonished at the changes you’ll see.
Earl NightingaleEarl Nightingale I am proud that I spent the whole of my life in the service of my people I shall continue to serve until my last breath and when I die, I can say, that every drop of my blood will invigorate India and strengthen it.
Indira GandhiIndira Gandhi No matter who you are it’s the simple things in life that lead you to believe that you can achieve anything.
RonaldinhoRonaldinho Do whatever you gotta do to chase your legacy every second of your life.
Ray LewisRay Lewis Every great move forward in your life begins with a leap of faith, a step into the unknown.
Brian TracyBrian Tracy Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it.
Brian TracyBrian Tracy Success is not for the weak and uncommitted. Sometimes it’s gonna hurt!
Eric ThomasEric Thomas