black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.

W. C. Fields

If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner

Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More W. C. Fields Quotes