“There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.”

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

I never met a kid I liked.

Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.

Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

I drink therefore I am.

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

For all my love little monsters I am your mom you are my child in my hand i protect you like my eyes but don’t worry I’ll catch you if you fall.

European children starved and watched their parents scheme and die. Here we grew up with toy whips. Early warning against our future leaders, the war babies.

Too many parents make life hard for their children by trying, too zealously, to make it easy for them.

Children show scars like medals. Lovers use them as a secret to reveal. A scar is what happens when the word is made flesh.

I treat my heart like a sick child and gratify its every fancy.

Adults follow paths. Children explore.

Don’t talk to me or my son again.

Every generation, civilization is invaded by barbarians – we call them children.