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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

W. C. Fields

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

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