black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

W. C. Fields

I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

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