“Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.”

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.

I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.

I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

I never met a kid I liked.

Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.

Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

As a child, I loved playing hide & seek, but now it seems like I’ve been lost for a long, & no one is looking for me.

I was a glittering sea waving at me, like a child smiling in his father’s lap, the waves lapse every time the sea sees the child in me!

When I approach a child he inspires in me two sentiments tenderness for what he is and respect for what he may become.

Children raised by mothers who do not keep their children sheltered from the wrath of their fathers, end up mistrusting women.

Softhearted child, there has always been a warrior inside of you. And the only way it could have been awoken was through difficult trials and momentary pain.

Your inner child is your purest gut.

To protect our children, we must talk to them about rape.

We children are doing this to wake the adults up. We children are doing this for you to put your differences aside and start acting as you would in a crisis. We children are doing this because we want our hopes and dreams back.