black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

W. C. Fields

You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More W. C. Fields Quotes