black
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

W. C. Fields

Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

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