A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDSYou can’t cheat an honest man.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
-
-
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS -
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS -
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS -
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS -
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS -
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS -
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS -
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS -
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS -
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS -
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS -
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS -
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS -
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS -
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS -
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS -
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS -
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS -
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS -
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS -
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS -
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS -
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS