“You can’t cheat an honest man.”

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.

Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.

So many of our conversations (about affirmative action) have been dishonest

The honest man, though e’er sae poor, Is king o’ men, for a’ that!

It’s always best to tell the truth.

I don’t subscribe to the thesis, ‘Let the buyer beware,’ I prefer the disregarded one that goes, ‘Let the seller be honest.’

It ‘s guid to be merry and wise, It ‘s guid to be honest and true, It ‘s guid to support Caledonia’s cause, And bide by the buff and the blue.

Follow your honest convictions and be strong.

Dare to be honest and fear no labor.

The upright, honest-hearted man Who strives to do the best he can, Need never fear the church’s ban Or hell’s damnation.