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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.

W. C. Fields

When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman

When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.

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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.

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