black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

W. C. Fields

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More W. C. Fields Quotes