Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDSBeer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
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I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS